"I'm seeing a therapist."
How does that land with you?
➡️ I wonder what's wrong? Hope it's nothing serious.
➡️ I didn’t realise things were that bad - there must be some big stuff going on under the surface. I hope they’re all right.
➡️ Why do they need therapy? They seem fine. Maybe they’re just overthinking things.
Perhaps...
➡️ Great! awkward silence (I don’t really know what to say about it. Ooh, look at that crack in the ceiling. Fascinating...)
➡️ That's awesome for them. I wish I could face my own issues but I really don't wanna go there...
Or maybe...
➡️ Someone else has jumped on the bandwagon... another one bites the dust.
➡️ Everyone has problems, suck it up like the rest of us...
➡️ See you in 3 years, when you're still talking about your 'trauma'. Just don't bore us with it!
➡️ Handing over your money to some charlatan - ha, good luck! People can talk about their feelings for free, FFS.
I have to confess, before I accidentally had therapy (as you do) and accidentally became a psychotherapist (as you do) - I probably would have ticked many of those boxes, too.
I thought that therapy was for people who were struggling - not me - I was FINE!!... (hahaha)
I thought it was something you did when you were on the brink of a mental breakdown, having a terrible time in life, and maybe addicted or the victim of something awful.
And if neither of those things applied, then you probably just liked talking about yourself a bit too much and should talk to someone with REAL problems, get some perspective and crack on. I know - as somebody who's come full circle and is now empathetic to the most seemingly 'minor' of struggles, I'm cringing on behalf of my past self.
But these ideas were well trained in to me through our British 'That's not something we do here, dear' stiff upper lip culture and the way therapy was modelled in my world growing up.
Getting help wasn't something we 'did'. It wasn't something we 'needed' or admitted. If we did, it was for something super-serious - and hell no, we wouldn't actually talk about it (because that's how rumours start - and once the rumour mill kicks off, we're really in the sh*t).
The shame and misinformation around getting help with your mental wellbeing was rife.
And - frankly - wrong.
And although that's shifting... it still permeates our collective psyche far too deeply.
Let’s face it: therapy has had a bit of a PR problem.
For decades, it’s been misunderstood, maligned, and used as the basis of many a hilarious sitcom punchline (looking at you, Frasier).
A lot of people still imagine therapy to be a place where you lie on a couch, staring at the ceiling while a stony-faced, bespectacled old dude nods gravely, strokes their beard and asks you to tell them about your mother (*awkward*). Being "in therapy" is something you do when you want to mine your personal pain and spend years talking about your privileged but difficult childhood, right? Wrong.
Here's the truth:
The chances are, we could ALL benefit from therapy.
Or at least, the structured safe space for growth, reflection and mental optimisation that working with a therapist - or mental-wellbeing trained coach - can provide.
Yes, we can be highly functioning happy humans without support - of course we can. We don't need to label ourselves, decide we can't cope and become reliant on unnecessary crutches, if everything's actually rosy in the garden and we're thriving.
But - is it? For many of us, things aren't that rosy (even when we're great at pretending they are). So many outwardly 'successful' people have got good at just hanging in there and surviving, making it through each day (which is actually pretty awesome in itself when you consider just how challenging modern life can be).
But we're starting to realise we don't just want to grin and bear it. We want to feel, think and perform better. We want to enjoy our lives as much as is realistically, humanly possible - and we want to feel like we're showing up as our best selves.
Is that a bad thing, in any way? Errr... no.
And therapy, or therapeutic coaching, can be the bridge that helps us access all of the above.
Most of us don't realise what we're missing and how much better things can actually feel until we start to explore and shift the anxiety and subconscious stuff that's keeping us weighed down. But when those clouds start to lift, the view can be incredible.
One big reason so many of us feel under par and under pressure?
We live in a sick society.
Without realising it, most of us are products of a society that's struggling and pressured - and we're shouldering that burden every day. There are huge global and economic pressures.
There are old social narratives at play that cause us to behave and respond in ways that don't support our values and desires.
There's huge collective anxiety.
We face higher expectations, pressures and more microintrusions into our headspace than never before (yes, microintrusions is a word I just made up and I love it).
We're being made more aware of the impact of our actions and beliefs than ever before - carrying a burden of guilt not just for our communities, but for the fate of the whole planet.
And we're all susceptible to giving ourselves a hard time, feeling overly responsible and struggling with the effects of that, whether we realise it or not.
The mental load is massive. And the right support can help make it all just a little easier to bear.
Curious?
Here are some other misconceptions about therapy which you may not have realised, if you've never really ventured into the world of psychotherapy - or even if you have!
Misconception 1: Therapy Is for Rock Bottom
Let's retire the idea that therapy is only for those in crisis. You don't have to hit some invisible red line on the suffer-o-meter to merit therapy or be worthy of support. One of the most common things my clients say? "I feel a bit silly being here, really, this is so trivial compared to what's going on in other people's lives".
STOP. You don't have to feel bad for wishing things felt better - and denying yourself of help doesn't lessen anyone else's suffering. Everyone’s got their 'stuff'. Therapy is about dealing with that stuff before it turns into capital-S Stuff. Whether it’s anxiety, overwhelm, burnout, or just wanting to get better at handling life’s curveballs, that's absolutely good enough - in fact, as a therapist, I want to celebrate you for recognising that and taking the driving seat in your own life!
What if you looked upon managing your mental wellbeing as a gym membership for your brain? You don’t wait for your muscles to atrophy before hitting the treadmill - why would you let your brain get slack? Maintenance, growth, and building more resilience to deal with life's challenges are all GREAT reasons to get some help, in our Better Brain Company book.
Misconception 2: Therapy Is Just Talking About Your Feelings
“Oh, great. I’m going to pay someone to tell them things I could just complain to my best mate about.”
We’ve all heard this one.
But here’s the twist: therapy isn’t about venting, oversharing or finally shedding repressed tears over Goldie the goldfish - it’s about transforming. Yes, you talk about your feelings - for a few moments. But then rather than scrutinising you closely and saying “tell me more about that”, the way we do things here is to start using our tools, strategies and frameworks to help you get insight and move forward.
Put simply, we're not interested in keeping you stuck in your pain any longer than we have to!
For example, approaches like my own SHIFT framework (shameless plug) are solution-focused and surprisingly speedy.
We’re not here to leave you wallowing in your worries; we’re here to help you understand and SHIFT them - quickly, effectively - and pretty darned painlessly.
Misconception 3: If Therapy Didn’t Work for You Before, It Never Will
Here’s where I may have to get a little ranty: just because therapy didn’t work for you in the past, it doesn’t mean all therapy is useless.
Traditional therapies, and therapies that are recommended by your GP/physician, while valuable for some don’t work for everyone.
Maybe you were told you were “too complex” or felt like you were spinning your wheels, going over the same ground week after week. Or worse, maybe you were told you “couldn’t be helped.” (This one makes me really mad, because - spoiler alert: in all probability, you can once you find the right practitioner and approach).
The good news? Modern therapeutic approaches are shaking things up and providing alternatives for those people who have been let down by the inherent system, labelled as anxious/OCD/over-sensitive and told their only hope is antidepressants.
Today’s therapeutic offerings are flexible, personalized, and designed to meet you where you are, on your timescale - with a boatload of science to back them up (at least they are, here).
It’s not a one-size-fits-all approach any more, and thank goodness for that.
Misconception 4: Therapy Takes Forever
There’s a lingering idea that therapy means years of commitment. Sitting in a dimly lit office rehashing childhood arguments and awkward teenage crushes until your bank account begs for mercy.
Not anymore.
While some therapies do require a longer commitment, modern approaches focus on getting you where you want to be as quickly as you're comfortable with - and then releasing you into the wild, fully equipped with resources and tools to fend for yourself.
Some people still opt to have regular(ish) top-up sessions just to keep their mental machinery well oiled and on the up and up - I'm one of those people, because I know how much more progress I make in my life and business when I'm on form! But the aim of therapy should be to leave you self-sufficient, rather than dependent.
It's not unusual for our clients to experience significant shifts in just a few focused sessions, and then go on to build on that change as their lives get better and better.
The point is, therapy doesn’t have to be a life sentence. It can be a pit stop on your path - a moment to pause, reflect, and get the tools you need to keep moving forward.
Misconception 5: Therapy Means You’ve Failed
This one hits close to home for a lot of people.
There’s still a stigma in some quarters around seeking help (even though we're SO much more mental wellbeing-aware in general) - as though it’s a sign you couldn’t handle things on your own.
I blame our conditioning - our parents were raised to keep calm, carry on and swallow their struggles by their parents (who had to, because back then that was their only option). It doesn't tend to end well, when we keep struggling on, though - biology and psychology have a way of conspiring to make all that struggle show up somewhere mentally or physiologically.
But let’s flip that narrative: what if choosing therapy isn’t a sign of failure - it’s a power move?
Maybe therapy says, “I value myself enough to invest in my growth.”
Maybe it says, “I know I’m capable of more, and I’m ready to do the work to get there.”
THAT even my most stubbornly independent self can get on board with.
Modern Therapy: Changing the Game
Hopefully this blog has shown you that today’s therapy - or certainly what we offer here at The Better Brain Company - is a far cry from those outdated stereotypes.
It’s innovative, practical, and - dare I say it - an exciting way to tap into your personal possibilities (and yes I do dare, because there's not much that I don't dare to do these days. Yep, you've guessed it - therapy helped me get there).
Whether it’s defining and claiming your true identity, calming your inner critic, or breaking free from old, unsupportive patterns, modern therapy isn’t about who you were.
It’s all about who you can be.
So, if you’ve been putting it off, consider this your nudge to take a fresh look.
Because, honestly, the couch isn’t so bad (especially when it's your own - yes, we usually do therapy via Zoom and it works wonderfully well).
And the ceiling tiles? They’ve got nothing on the view when you’re finally free from what’s holding you back.
If you're ready to SHIFT, we’d love to help you get there.
It's time to believe in better.
Abi Rogers is founder and principal therapist at The Better Brain Company. Please feel free to reach out via our website if you have any queries, or for press.
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